Part One
Sophie: Momma, can I glue this instead of sew it?
Me: Sure, that's a fine family tradition.
Sophie: What do you mean?
Me: That's how Grandma Jane taught me to sew.  If that doesn't work, we'll try staples.  That's what Grandma would do.

Part Two
Martin: Where did you live when you worked at Ruttger's?
Me: In a place called The Shack.
Martin: What number was it?
Me: There wasn't any number, but Uncle Ryan spray painted the words "Dog Pound" on my front steps.
Martin: Why?
Me: Oh, he was trying to say that the girls that lived there were ugly, like dogs.
Martin: Then what?
Me: I nailed a dead fish outside his bedroom window.
Martin: Why?
Me: So it would stink.
Martin: Then what?
Me: Uncle Ryan lit a troll head on fire and rolled it into the cabin.
Martin: Then what?
Me: Then I hung it above his bed so that when he woke up it was an inch above his nose.
Martin: Then what?
Me: Then he nailed our door shut so that we couldn't get out.
Martin: Then what?
Me: We crawled out the window so we could go to work.
Martin: Then what?
Me: We became friends.

Part Three
Me: Sophie, what are you singing?
Sophie: He's got trees and a ham, in his hands.
Me: Trees and a ham?
Sophie: What, doesn't God like ham?