About a week ago Jill wrote about her Third Son and mentioned that he was a bit reserved at school, tending to occupy himself.  At the time I was reading it, I thought "Oh, maybe he just needs some time alone" and "maybe he's just comfortable with himself, not needing to play in the same way as the other kids."  I shrugged it off thinking that certainly he'd play in his own way, making adjustments as he grows and as his environment changes.  It's nothing, I thought, just kids and they're all different. 

Then, this week in the parent room at Martin's preschool, I could see all of the kids playing a game together and Martin off to one side stacking up a puzzle.  In an instant, I flashed back to my thoughts about Jill and her Third Son, but this time I didn't think "oh maybe he's just comfortable that way".  Now it was MARTIN and it didn't seem so simple.  I wondered if he was being excluded, or if had chosen not to follow directions, or maybe he just needed some encouragement and maybe I should go out there.  Despite my moment of discomfort, I sat still, watching Martin to see what would happen.

When class was over and we were on the way home I asked him if he liked to play games with the other kids.  He said that he did.  I asked him about class that day, wondering why he didn't play that time.  He said that he wanted to, but he was just putting some things away that the other kids had left behind.  Somewhat relieved, I felt better hearing his explanation and glad that at least there was one, whatever the reason.  Even if the reason was that he was cleaning instead of playing a game (obviously not something he got from me).

On Wednesdays Martin stays at his preschool alone and on our way home I asked him how the day went.  He said that he didn't play with some of the kids today.  In my mind, I went through all of the things I could ask him without leading him in any way or making him feel put on the spot.  Before I could ask him anything, he continued:

Martin: Sometimes I just want to play alone.
Me: Kind of like at home?
Martin: No, I always play with Sophie at home.
Me: But at school you can play with new friends.
Martin: Yes, but mom, sometimes other kids are just insane.

That's right.  His reason for playing alone today is that sometimes kids are insane.  So, now I'm back to the same general feeling I had when I read about Jill's Third Son last week... they're just kids, they're figuring it all out, they'll grow and change and adapt as they go.  Even when the boy in question is my own.