Waiting patiently, or Are you ready yet?
Sevda - if you're reading this, pass the laptop over to Blake and leave the room for a few minutes. Maybe go have a glass of wine and kick back a little with a new magazine. I'd like to talk to Blake for a few minutes. Alone, if you don't mind.
*****
Dear Blake,
A few months ago, our friend Kathy sent Marty some links to ideas for Mother's Day gifts for me. She knew how busy he was, and wanted to make sure that he didn't overlook the occasion or end up buying me flowers at the grocery store because he put off coming up with an idea of his own. Not only did Marty select a great gift, but it arrived on time (delivered overnight to Ruttger's, but it did arrive in time). I thought this was a great idea, and I've decided that maybe it's time for a similar long-distance intervention on Sevda's behalf. Now, I'm not sure if she'd agree that this is the best idea, but I'm certain that it can't hurt. Here it is - I'm ready for you and Sevda to get engaged. I know that it's not tradition to need to get a friend's permission to ask for your girl's hand in marriage, but I just want you to know that you have my blessing.
It's been two years since you and I met, and in that time, I've concluded that you are not only suitable but definitely the best candidate I've seen pass through the doors. I witnessed the first test, as you attempted to help put a boat in the water up at the cabin. Although you didn't know it at the time, this test was a big one for Sevda (and me) and we watched you closely. My dad always used this term to capture the general "essence" of a guy's worth in many areas. Can he put in a dock, does he know how, is he willing to help, will he actually show up, is he strong enough to help, will he follow directions... all steps to being dockable. You had no previous experience in this area, you proved that you were willing to help, you didn't disappear just as the work needed to be done, you didn't pull out a 40 of beer from under the front seat of the car, and you had the general aptitude to not crash the boat or drown... therefore rendering you dockable.
Since that time, I've come to like you even more despite the fact that I haven't seen you since the successfully dockable day. You take Sevda on great trips and adventures, but without making her do anything too strenuous or risky. You and she like the same kinds of things, which means that you and I probably do too. I hear that you listen to the mix CD's I send even more than Sevda does, and that you read our blog regularly which means that you actually know us all very well... but you can share in our lives without the noise and chaos that fills our house. It's a pretty good arrangement, really. I think the thing I like best about you is that you were willing to be Sevda's refried bean mule, lugging cans on every oversea trip just in case Sevda was unable to find her favorite food in the U.K. My only complaint is that you moved to London and I really like it best when Sevda is within a few hours driving distance of my house. Maybe this is something you can work on later.
Other than waiting for the right time to ask for my blessing, I could only think of two other things that might be holding you back from proposing to Sevda. I've given this quite a bit of thought, and I think I can help.
Marriage Inventory Quiz
When Marty and I were preparing for our wedding we had to take a Marriage Inventory Test. It was filled with questions that were designed to highlight any problem areas we should consider before entering into marriage. Now that I've been married for a few years, I think that there are a few questions that should have been part of the test. I'm not sure if you've really taken the time to think about all of the important factors that would lead to a successful marriage, so I've listed a few questions below for you to consider:
1. Are you in agreement on things like money, kids, religion and sex? This one question combines the entire Catholic questionnaire, so you're totally covered here.
2. Would you ever consider building a shed that includes air conditioning, cable TV and is wired for internet and phone?
3. Would you have any problems if Sevda and I stayed at Ruttger's for a week every summer with our kids? You and Marty could join us on the weekend if you felt so inclined.
4. Are you prepared to frequently eat meals where refried beans are the key ingredient?
5. Do you agree to remember to get her special gifts on all required occasions? These occasions include but are not limited to her birthday, any blend of holidays you choose to celebrate, Valentine's Day, the wedding day, and the day any children are born?
The Proposal Dilemma
Since you and Sevda have been together for a few years and have been living together for awhile, maybe it's not the actual marriage that has you concerned, but the proposal itself. There are lots of women who have spent loads of time imagining their wedding and all the details, and Sevda is certainly one of those (I have the "wedding folder" here that is now a box that will probably run me $1000 to overnight it to London when it's needed). Knowing this about her could make the proposal part a little intimidating - you know, wanting it to be just right. In my opinion, there is far too much pressure placed on this single event. You always hear about guys whipping up very elaborate plans to pop the question. Now, I think making it special is a good idea, but getting engaged to THE special guy is the best part about it. Having said that, I would still recommend something a little more elaborate than my own experience, but it certainly isn't worth waiting until you come up with the very most perfect idea ever. To help you weed through the possible options, I've listed a few notes for you to consider:
1. Make sure that wherever you propose that she has good cell phone coverage. This would probably rule out the top of any mountain or particularly remote location. She'll need to make some calls ASAP.
2. I would recommend not placing the ring in any food or beverage. I've seen Sevda eat when she's really hungry, and the ring could get consumed without notice.
3. Flowers should be included, even if it is later in the day or the day after her acceptance. Nothing dried. Flowers are meant to BE dried, not given dried.
4. You probably already know this, but you'll definitely need to talk to her dad first. Since you don't live in the same country, I don't know if an in-person visit is required or if a phone call would suffice. An email definitely would not.
5. Although the idea sounds romantic, I wouldn't recommend having the question appear anywhere in print or written in public. You know, like on the scoreboard at a sporting event or in the paper. "Sevda" is frequently misspelled, and the incorrect spelling of her name would burn in her mind and she may not actually be able to answer your question without looking for a reprint. This might delay your response, and who wants that?
In summary, I can't wait until the day that I get the call with THE news. Until then, I'm patiently waiting.
*****
Dear Blake,
A few months ago, our friend Kathy sent Marty some links to ideas for Mother's Day gifts for me. She knew how busy he was, and wanted to make sure that he didn't overlook the occasion or end up buying me flowers at the grocery store because he put off coming up with an idea of his own. Not only did Marty select a great gift, but it arrived on time (delivered overnight to Ruttger's, but it did arrive in time). I thought this was a great idea, and I've decided that maybe it's time for a similar long-distance intervention on Sevda's behalf. Now, I'm not sure if she'd agree that this is the best idea, but I'm certain that it can't hurt. Here it is - I'm ready for you and Sevda to get engaged. I know that it's not tradition to need to get a friend's permission to ask for your girl's hand in marriage, but I just want you to know that you have my blessing.
It's been two years since you and I met, and in that time, I've concluded that you are not only suitable but definitely the best candidate I've seen pass through the doors. I witnessed the first test, as you attempted to help put a boat in the water up at the cabin. Although you didn't know it at the time, this test was a big one for Sevda (and me) and we watched you closely. My dad always used this term to capture the general "essence" of a guy's worth in many areas. Can he put in a dock, does he know how, is he willing to help, will he actually show up, is he strong enough to help, will he follow directions... all steps to being dockable. You had no previous experience in this area, you proved that you were willing to help, you didn't disappear just as the work needed to be done, you didn't pull out a 40 of beer from under the front seat of the car, and you had the general aptitude to not crash the boat or drown... therefore rendering you dockable.
Since that time, I've come to like you even more despite the fact that I haven't seen you since the successfully dockable day. You take Sevda on great trips and adventures, but without making her do anything too strenuous or risky. You and she like the same kinds of things, which means that you and I probably do too. I hear that you listen to the mix CD's I send even more than Sevda does, and that you read our blog regularly which means that you actually know us all very well... but you can share in our lives without the noise and chaos that fills our house. It's a pretty good arrangement, really. I think the thing I like best about you is that you were willing to be Sevda's refried bean mule, lugging cans on every oversea trip just in case Sevda was unable to find her favorite food in the U.K. My only complaint is that you moved to London and I really like it best when Sevda is within a few hours driving distance of my house. Maybe this is something you can work on later.
Other than waiting for the right time to ask for my blessing, I could only think of two other things that might be holding you back from proposing to Sevda. I've given this quite a bit of thought, and I think I can help.
Marriage Inventory Quiz
When Marty and I were preparing for our wedding we had to take a Marriage Inventory Test. It was filled with questions that were designed to highlight any problem areas we should consider before entering into marriage. Now that I've been married for a few years, I think that there are a few questions that should have been part of the test. I'm not sure if you've really taken the time to think about all of the important factors that would lead to a successful marriage, so I've listed a few questions below for you to consider:
1. Are you in agreement on things like money, kids, religion and sex? This one question combines the entire Catholic questionnaire, so you're totally covered here.
2. Would you ever consider building a shed that includes air conditioning, cable TV and is wired for internet and phone?
3. Would you have any problems if Sevda and I stayed at Ruttger's for a week every summer with our kids? You and Marty could join us on the weekend if you felt so inclined.
4. Are you prepared to frequently eat meals where refried beans are the key ingredient?
5. Do you agree to remember to get her special gifts on all required occasions? These occasions include but are not limited to her birthday, any blend of holidays you choose to celebrate, Valentine's Day, the wedding day, and the day any children are born?
The Proposal Dilemma
Since you and Sevda have been together for a few years and have been living together for awhile, maybe it's not the actual marriage that has you concerned, but the proposal itself. There are lots of women who have spent loads of time imagining their wedding and all the details, and Sevda is certainly one of those (I have the "wedding folder" here that is now a box that will probably run me $1000 to overnight it to London when it's needed). Knowing this about her could make the proposal part a little intimidating - you know, wanting it to be just right. In my opinion, there is far too much pressure placed on this single event. You always hear about guys whipping up very elaborate plans to pop the question. Now, I think making it special is a good idea, but getting engaged to THE special guy is the best part about it. Having said that, I would still recommend something a little more elaborate than my own experience, but it certainly isn't worth waiting until you come up with the very most perfect idea ever. To help you weed through the possible options, I've listed a few notes for you to consider:
1. Make sure that wherever you propose that she has good cell phone coverage. This would probably rule out the top of any mountain or particularly remote location. She'll need to make some calls ASAP.
2. I would recommend not placing the ring in any food or beverage. I've seen Sevda eat when she's really hungry, and the ring could get consumed without notice.
3. Flowers should be included, even if it is later in the day or the day after her acceptance. Nothing dried. Flowers are meant to BE dried, not given dried.
4. You probably already know this, but you'll definitely need to talk to her dad first. Since you don't live in the same country, I don't know if an in-person visit is required or if a phone call would suffice. An email definitely would not.
5. Although the idea sounds romantic, I wouldn't recommend having the question appear anywhere in print or written in public. You know, like on the scoreboard at a sporting event or in the paper. "Sevda" is frequently misspelled, and the incorrect spelling of her name would burn in her mind and she may not actually be able to answer your question without looking for a reprint. This might delay your response, and who wants that?
In summary, I can't wait until the day that I get the call with THE news. Until then, I'm patiently waiting.
What an excellent posting,I look forward to a response from the wonderful guy who loves our Sevda!
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