I read an article yesterday about breastfeeding and the impact it has on a child's ability to handle stress and anxiety later in life.  As if there's not enough pressure and angst surrounding a mother's decision on whether or not or how long to breastfeed her baby, now there's another item to add to the long list of potential guilt a mother has to bear.

The article stated that breastfeeding may affect the quality of bonding between mother and child and the way that they relate to each other, which may have an enduring effect on the child's anxiety levels in stressful situations.  It also said that the quality of physical contact between mother and baby during the first few days of life may influence the development of the child's neural and hormonal pathways involved in the stress response.

I think this article may have an enduring effect on a mother's anxiety level as she watches to see the impact of these early decisions.  I've watched as friends struggle with the many decisions that a new mother has to make, all going in blind and influenced by piles upon piles of "how to" childbirth and parenting books, magazines and internet articles.  Family members, friends and complete strangers flood mothers-to-be and new mothers with strong opinions about which things are THE BEST.  Definitely natural birth is the best, no drugs if you're strong enough.  Absolutely take drugs, but you MUST plan it all out in advance and in writing so your husband won't budge from the plan no matter how much you beg.  Try to talk your doctor into a c-section, you can better organize your schedule.  Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, your child is counting on you.  Breastfeeding is painful, babies thrive with formula, why even try?

I went with the oxymoronic blend of planned c-section and breastfeeding.  The unnatural and au natural.  Although I didn't have a choice on the c-section, it worked great for me both times.  I also feel really lucky that breastfeeding worked out well with both kids - with Martin it took a little more work, but with Sophie it was just plain easy.  I decided to breastfeed both kids because I thought it would be good for us - I knew that with allergies running in the genes they would carry, it would increase the chances that they would get the positive benefits from breastmilk that may help them avoid allergies.  Despite 5.5 months of nursing Martin, he has asthma.  Despite the 10 months of nursing Sophie, she's allergic to dairy.  According to the article I read today, we'll have to wait and see how they handle stress and anxiety.  If they turn out to be anxious children or adults, I can cross breastfeeding off the list of potential sources.

In my limited experience as a mother, I can see that it is going to be filled with fear and it's close companion, guilt... and breastfeeding is just one small item in the list of things we can or cannot control.  I can find new homes for our pets, buy "allergen reducer" vacuum cleaner bags, hire a cleaning lady to help reduce dust (and so that we don't live like pigs), and take Martin out of daycare to help reduce his asthmatic reactions.  I can read countless labels, rewrite recipes to include non-dairy ingredients, and buy an ice cream machine to make special treats to avoid Sophie's allergic reactions.  And I can teach my kids ways to avoid anxiety and deal with stress as it comes their way.  Because it will, and breastfeeding won't help to avoid that.

To my friends that are mothers or may become mothers someday, let me say that I BELIEVE that you are doing a great job.  Even on the days when you are nursing and feel guilty about the dwindling supply of milk in the freezer.  Or on the day when you decide to switch to formula and cry all day as your body starts to adjust.  And on all the days after that when you find yourself faced with fear or guilt simply because by the nature of it, you are always influencing the little lives that have joined your family.  Being a momma is hard, and at the end of some days you will feel like you could have done better.  I know I do.  But at the end of most days, I feel like I did a pretty good job and hope that my kids would say the same.  If it turns out that I'm wrong, then when the time is right, I'll print out this page and mail it to their therapist as proof that at a minimum they can't point to breastfeeding as the root of the problem.