Preparing the troops
My dad is well-known in many circles for the tricks he plays. I've seen him convince kids that they could drink milk through their ear and talk kids into smashing strawberries on their forehead until the juice running down their face made it look like they were starring in a horror film. I didn't stop him when he talked Martin into smearing whipped cream all over his face, but I do keep a watchful eye out for anything particularly tricky (or potentially dangerous).
For years, he's taunted the neighbor kids into preparing for "the big squirt gun fight." He'd give them tiny squirt guns then torture them for days telling them that "it's not quite time yet." Meanwhile, he'd spend the weekend fine tuning his arsenal. Not tiny squirt guns like the kids would have, but things like a backpack supersoaker and a tube that can shoot a quart in one big stream paired up with 5-gallon pails of ice water hidden throughout the yard.
As we prepare to head to my parent's house for the weekend, I feel like I should do something to help my kids prepare themselves for the onslaught of tricks my dad may have up his sleeve. A holiday weekend + my brother and his wife + my two small kids is bound to equal trouble.
I started the training last year on Father's Day. We gave my dad two giant supersoakers and had a short battle in our front yard. Here's my dad preparing to pummel and soak Martin and me.
And here I am, trying to teach Martin how to operate it so that he can at least defend himself.
Over the next few days, I should probably do some work to prepare our family:
1. Get out Martin's holster from Halloween and fill the pouches (probably not the technical term) with squirt guns
2. Teach both of the kids how to use them
3. Explain that they CANNOT drink through their ears
4. Tell them that strawberries are for eating, not smashing
5. Put the pails from the sandbox into our suitcases in case we need them for a water fight
6. Pack about a dozen changes of clothes and stacks of swim diapers because we're certain to need them
7. Teach Martin that the way to end any trick with my dad is to say, "hey, you can't do that to a guy"
Dad, if you're reading this, consider this fair warning. The Nelson's are coming prepared.
For years, he's taunted the neighbor kids into preparing for "the big squirt gun fight." He'd give them tiny squirt guns then torture them for days telling them that "it's not quite time yet." Meanwhile, he'd spend the weekend fine tuning his arsenal. Not tiny squirt guns like the kids would have, but things like a backpack supersoaker and a tube that can shoot a quart in one big stream paired up with 5-gallon pails of ice water hidden throughout the yard.
As we prepare to head to my parent's house for the weekend, I feel like I should do something to help my kids prepare themselves for the onslaught of tricks my dad may have up his sleeve. A holiday weekend + my brother and his wife + my two small kids is bound to equal trouble.
I started the training last year on Father's Day. We gave my dad two giant supersoakers and had a short battle in our front yard. Here's my dad preparing to pummel and soak Martin and me.
And here I am, trying to teach Martin how to operate it so that he can at least defend himself.
Over the next few days, I should probably do some work to prepare our family:
1. Get out Martin's holster from Halloween and fill the pouches (probably not the technical term) with squirt guns
2. Teach both of the kids how to use them
3. Explain that they CANNOT drink through their ears
4. Tell them that strawberries are for eating, not smashing
5. Put the pails from the sandbox into our suitcases in case we need them for a water fight
6. Pack about a dozen changes of clothes and stacks of swim diapers because we're certain to need them
7. Teach Martin that the way to end any trick with my dad is to say, "hey, you can't do that to a guy"
Dad, if you're reading this, consider this fair warning. The Nelson's are coming prepared.
I didn't realize how tiny Martin was until I saw the picture of him with a super soaker. God you have the cutest kid in the world.
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In preparation for his uncle, you better add to the list:
1. Never answer a knock-knock joke.
2. Do not yawn around uncle Ryan - you still never know where his fingers have been.
3. No matter what - never pull a finger
4. Miller Lite does not taste like grape juice
I think your hands are full this weekend!
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